Dealing with People That Don’t Get It Sucks

At the end of the day, I believe people are inherently good.  I think that the large majority has good intentions, wants to see others succeed, and cares about their fellow human beings.  This belief plays a huge role in how I deal with things: I try to put myself in others’ shoes & I believe in karma and treating people the way I want to be treated.  These past few months though? They’ve really shaken that core belief I have that people are good and kind.  I’ve seen firsthand how many people don’t get it. And it’s disappointing, to be completely honest.

Dealing with People That Don’t Get It Sucks | When Facebook Gets You Fired Up

Let me start by sharing the incident that sparked this whole post.  I’m scrolling Facebook and I see that a friend has shared an article about a steakhouse in our downtown area closing with comment “Imagine that…” In the comments, there’s a discussion about how we should be worried our city may become the next Detroit or Minneapolis & how no one should be surprised that protesters are ruining our local economy.

RELATED: How Deactivating Facebook for Three Years Helped Me Grow

I promise that I don’t normally flip a switch when I see a Facebook post I disagree with but it happened!  I started to type out “Imagine caring more about a national chain than Black lives!!!!,” “Imagine caring more about a steakhouse than a mother not having her daughter for her birthday last week,” and “Can you please explain why you’re so distraught about Louisville becoming the ‘next Detroit and Minneapolis’?” Luckily, I know that arguing on Facebook gets us nowhere but y’all I was heated.

Dealing with People That Don’t Get It Sucks | Black lives more than just matter

A couple days ago, another friend posted something on the opposite end of the spectrum: a sign that said “Matter is the minimum. Black lives are worthy. Black lives are beloved. Black lives are needed.” You cannot call yourself pro-life if you value a business more than the life of a Black person.  You don’t get to claim that you cherish family values if you turn a blind eye to inequities in West and East Louisville.  There is nothing good about looking down your nose at those asking and fighting to be treated equally.

RELATED: Black Lives Matter Shouldn’t Be Political

I still believe the majority of people are like my second friend but the lack of compassion, the straight up ignorance, and doing the bare minimum to TRY to understand a different viewpoint over the past few weeks has been so draining.

Dealing with People That Don’t Get It Sucks | The Uncomfortable Truth

How can I make someone believe that my life matters? That I’m worthy? That I’m needed? How do I change the mind of someone that thinks, “Oh but you’re different.”  I’ve wrestled with this a lot recently.  An uncomfortable truth for me to sit with is that some people don’t want change for our country.  They’re satisfied with how things are now and because they’re comfortable, they don’t see the need to change things.

Do you just…stop caring about other people at some point? Do you look up when something bad happens and say, “oh that’s awful,” and then go back to your daily routine?  I’m aware I live with class privilege and that I benefit from that.  At the same time, I sit at the intersection of being female and being Black.  It’s hard for me -not- to think about what the future looks like for someone that looks like me.

Dealing with People That Don’t Get It Sucks | Using My Platform

Admittedly, I am angry.  Last week, I had a couple people comment that I was brave for speaking up on my platform but to be honest, it feels like the bare minimum.  I’ve built this platform but if I can’t use it to speak up for myself and for people that look like me, what is the point?  I know that having these conversations will make some people feel uncomfortable and/or defensive, but I also {perhaps naively} believe that using my voice could get through to someone.  The large majority of my audience doesn’t look like me and what if I can be a catalyst in helping them see that they could do better?

Dealing with People That Don’t Get It Sucks | Hold People Accountable & Asking Why

So how do I deal with someone that doesn’t get it?  Hold them accountable.  People that know me will tell you that I’m a big why person. “Why do we do it this way,” “why do you feel that way,” etc.  In my volunteer work, I’ll often ask why multiple times because I’ve found it helps me better understand the intent, thinking, and purpose behind a decision or process.  The same thing can work when trying to show someone that their statements, actions, or words don’t line up with what they claim to believe.  “Why is that joke supposed to be funny? Why are you stereotyping people? Why didn’t you speak up when you knew that what someone else said was wrong?”

And listen, I’m far from perfect: I ask myself why too.  Why have I avoided hard conversations about the intersection of politics and human rights with friends?  Why do I worry more about upsetting a family member than pointing out problematic or hypocritical behavior?

Dealing with People That Don’t Get It Sucks | Protect Your Peace

Obviously, one way to deal with people that don’t get it is to utilize those snooze, mute, and unfollow buttons both online and in real life.  {And let me tell you, between COVID and Black lives matter I’ve been using those A LOT.}  For me, I’m constantly trying to find the balance between protecting my peace and mental health with wanting to get people to wake up and smell the dang roses.

All this to say, if you’re struggling to figure out how to go forward knowing that you want to do better, you’re not alone.  Even as someone that has had eyes wide open to racial disparities I find myself questioning how I can do more, do better, and have a lasting impact.