5 Crazy Things & the Stigma Around Mental Health

Today’s post is definitely on the more personal side; you may or may not know, but May is Mental Health Awareness month. Even though it’s been five years since my initial anxiety and depression diagnoses admitting I struggle with my mental health, especially in such a public forum, is still extremely nerve racking for me. And maybe that’s part of why I feel writing this post is so important. While most people are incredibly understanding when it comes to anxiety, depression is considered a more hush hush conversation. The stigma around depression is very extreme; when I’m open about having depression, I can tell that people are taken aback and often uncomfortable.

I get it; while I have chronic anxiety and have struggled with anxiety since I was a child, depression was the disease that kind of snuck up on me. Prior to being diagnosed, I didn’t know a ton about it and definitely didn’t understand what it meant when I heard of someone suffering from it. Today I wanted to talk about why conversations around mental health are still so important and five “crazy” things I’ve done because of or for my mental health.

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5 Crazy Things & the Stigma Around Mental Health | Being “an Anxious Person”

During one of my first visits to a therapist, we talked about my history and pretty quickly realized that while some people develop anxiety over time, I had chronic anxiety. I was an anxious child, anxious teenager, and now an anxious adult. A lot of people ask what that means; as a child I would cry when my parents tried to get me to do something new until they let me not go. Eventually, they stopped signing me up for lessons or camps because they knew I wouldn’t be able to go into them. As I progressed, this wasn’t always an option with school but I found coping mechanisms for dealing with what I didn’t realize was pretty severe anxiety.

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5 Crazy Things & the Stigma Around Mental Health | “People with Mental Health Issues are Crazy.”

Some of the biggest stigmas around mental health is that people that struggle with it aren’t normal, can’t take care of themselves, or are constantly upset. In so many ways self-care and mental health are two hand in hand issues. When brainstorming for this post I tried to think of the craziest things I’ve done either for my mental health or due to mental health issues. When I looked over the list, I wasn’t surprised that all of them held ties to the self care practices that I focus on now.

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5 Crazy Things & the Stigma Around Mental Health | With Social Media

One of the “craziest” things I did at the height of my depression was to deactivate my Facebook account. For three years, I stayed off Facebook completely and it was WONDERFUL. I know that for a lot of people this doesn’t seem realistic or plausible. I had been struggling a lot with the comparison game; I constantly felt like I wasn’t where I was “supposed to be” when I would see posts from high school and college friends and acquaintances. One day I just deactivated my account. At first it was weird not knowing the highlights of everyone’s lives but I think taking that temptation to compare myself out of the equation really allowed me to come to terms with doing things in my own way and time.

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When I eventually reactivated my Facebook account, I went through my friends list and deleted just about everyone off. In high school and college, adding everyone was the “cool” thing to do and while I get it, for me keeping that circle small allows me to focus on myself. Not in a selfish way but in a way that allows me to feel proud of myself, live my own life, and not worry about what everyone else is doing.

5 Crazy Things & the Stigma Around Mental Health | I Ended Friendships

Shrinking my social circle and being careful about who I consider a friend is definitely one of the things that keeps me sane. My previous friendships weren’t healthy; there was a lot of underhanded cattiness, talking behind people’s backs and smiling to their faces, and unnecessary expectations. While the women in my life in that previous chapter had been around for a few years, I grew to a point where I would rather be alone than with people that didn’t know how to be genuine friends to each other or to me. Y’all it was hard.  At times, I felt like maybe I’d made the wrong decision and that questioning of myself made my depression feel deeper.

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I’m not entirely sure when I hit the point of being okay with being alone, but I did get there. A few women that had just been acquaintances became friends and I realized that your friend group doesn’t all have to be friends or even know each other. Maintaining toxic friendships and relationships drains more out of you than you even realize. Healthy friendships are so important; people that care about your well-being, see you as a multi-faceted person, and check up on you have value in your life.

5 Crazy Things & the Stigma Around Mental Health | Alcohol

This is probably the hardest section for me to be completely honest about, but for a long time I used alcohol as a crutch. Nervous about not knowing anyone at a party? Have a drink! Sad because a boy won’t text you back? Take some shots! Don’t want to think about something? Go ahead and have a couple drinks. In some ways, I think substance abuse has become acceptable in today’s culture. Truthfully that worries me. Lots of people probably disagree with this point; you may think that binge drinking is just a normal college stage. I worry a lot for the women and men struggling with mental health still very early in life that are encouraged by friends and loved ones to “drink up.”

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I never felt dependent on alcohol, but did I use it to avoid dealing with how I felt about myself or uncomfortable situations? Absolutely. It’s tough for me to admit that because that is abusing alcohol. Part of my personal growth was realizing this and adjusting how I dealt with things. Do I drink now? Yes! Will I have a drink in social situations when I may be nervous? Sure will, but I also limit myself. It’s incredibly rare that I have more than two drinks, I try to avoid having a drink every day or even sometimes every week. If I’m down, I stay away from alcohol. These limits look different for everyone, but knowing that I have a family history that includes alcoholism definitely plays a role in how I view substance abuse and my mental health.

5 Crazy Things & the Stigma Around Mental Health | Cancelling Plans

It’s true, being flaky is a bad thing and you should try to avoid being the friend that flakes all the time. That being said…cancelling plans can be a good thing. Especially when I first started taking anti-depressants, I couldn’t predict how I would feel day to day. I would feel great and so I’d make plans. A week later when it was the day of? I’d be crying, getting out of bed was hard; I was exhausted and needed sleep. I’m here to tell you: it’s okay to cancel plans. Again, try not to do it all the time, but sometimes you can’t predict how you’re going to feel. Mental health is health. If you came down with strep, you’d cancel plans so if you are having a day that’s tough, don’t be afraid to cancel or postpone.

5 Crazy Things & the Stigma Around Mental Health | Taking Time to Yourself

One of the things I try to remind myself of is that I can’t help others if I’m not helping myself. I think it’s important to remember that giving yourself to others and not taking time to refuel yourself is a disservice.

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Wanting to help others is a wonderful thing, but don’t do so at a cost to your own physical or mental health. I can think of several girlfriends I had in the past that always needed fixing. Lots of listening to them on the phone for hours complain and constantly being prepared to go to their rescue. This ties in with ending friendships, but make sure you’re getting something out of relationships that you put your time, effort, and heart into. When you do have those relationships also understand that it’s okay to set boundaries! Sometimes when I’m taking time for myself, I’ll put my phone into ‘Do Not Disturb’ mode. It’s not because I don’t want to talk to anyone, but because I need to use that 20-30 minutes without being distracted.

5 Crazy Things & the Stigma Around Mental Health | And the Outfit

I’m rocking the kind of outfit I used to rock all the time when I interned in a corporate office. Solid blouse that’s dressier than a tee shirt, work appropriate skirt, a tote that can hold folders and snacks, and of course sandals that are office ready but practical enough to run to catch the Metro. {Honestly, spent way too many DC evenings trying to not have to wait for the next train or bus.}

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