Have you ever stopped to really step back and think about what you want your legacy to be? A few experiences that I’ve had this summer have really made me think about how I treat others, how I want to be remembered, and about the power of small, kind acts. I’d love to hear what y’all think in the comments!
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What Will Your Legacy Be & Power in Kindness | Story Time!
Without giving away too many specifics, I was out with a group of women {some that I’m friends with and some that are acquaintances} when one acquaintance {let’s call her Tara} started to completely berate a member of the staff at the restaurant we were at. The issue she had was one that was more of a management issue, but instead of calmly asking for a manager; Tara screamed and even dropped some expletives at the poor waiter. While this was all going on, I side eyed my friend {we’ll call her Emma in this story} that’s pretty close with her, mostly because I expected her to say, “Hey Tara, calm down.” She never did, in fact she encouraged Tara to keep yelling until she got her way. This situation was one that recurred a few more times.
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The whole situation REALLY bugged me. While part of it was the mere fact that it wasn’t the waiters fault, the major thing for me was HOW could you let a friend of yours act that way? {I can tell you pretty confidently that I would barely pause before telling a close friend to calm the eff down and stop embarrassing me in public.} I left the situation feeling like the conflict spoke to a lack of empathy and kindness in both women. This really got me thinking…
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Even more so, Tara and Emma both are women that volunteer with charitable organizations and are in positions where they (in theory) lead by example. Leadership is about acting right when impressionable minds and eyes are around, but it’s just as important to act right and be respectful when you don’t think you’re being watched. The experiences I had watching the two women be demeaning and not speaking up on behalf of others troubled me, but also made me question who they are as people.
What Will Your Legacy Be & Power in Kindness | You Are What You Allow
While I’m definitely eager to hear your all’s thoughts, my argument is this: you are the company you keep. If the people you call friends are kind, patient, and polite then you are those things too. Likewise, if your friends are disparaging, rude, and inconsiderate to others…you are as well. I think so often people get caught up in the idea of, “well that’s not my problem,” “she’s her own person,” “it’s not my job to tell her how to act.” Behavior is learned, the bystander effect is real! If you stand back and witness something that you know is wrong, you’re committing a wrong too.
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A huge part of being a leader in any organization, job, etc. is being able to have hard conversations, acknowledging when a situation is unjust or wrong, and finding ways to make sure the situation doesn’t continue to happen.
I think a large portion of why the situation bothered me so much was because I didn’t say anything. I rolled my eyes, I made a snide comment to Emma saying, “Tara’s screaming at him but it’s not his fault,” I chugged my drink and left early. But I never took the time to interrupt her, stop or address the situation, or speak up in the waiter’s defense. While not saying anything stemmed from not wanting to make a scene; I felt guilty of seeing someone I know treat someone poorly and not calling them out on it.
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What Will Your Legacy Be & Power in Kindness | On What I Want My Legacy to Be
So did I come up short? Frankly yes, I did. I didn’t want to rock the boat and so I didn’t act like a leader. Turning a blind eye makes me compliant to the bad behavior. One of the things that I started to think about after witnessing all of this was: what do I want my legacy to be? I want to be known as someone that gave others grace, that was thoughtful. When people think of me, I hope that they say, “XYZ was important to her and so she stuck to that.”
Mostly, I hope that a part of my legacy is being kind. It’s so common these days for people to get caught up in wanting to have a legacy of fame or power. While I think finding these things important isn’t necessarily bad, we forget that a legacy of kindness is a REALLY good legacy to have.
What Will Your Legacy Be & Power in Kindness | On Empathy
I say this a lot, but so many of the issues of the world could be solved if people simply took the time to think about the other person’s view. Yes someone at work may be out to get you, but they also could be dealing with serious family issues at home. Remembering that everyone you interact with is human (minus those dogs, cats, and other animals) with feelings, responsibilities, and families helps us to keep in mind what’s important, what’s worth getting worked up over, and what should be water under the bridge.
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What Will Your Legacy Be & Power in Kindness | The Look
Now let’s get to the outfit, shall we? I wore this outfit yesterday when I helped co-host Work the Metal’s Facebook live. Since we were talking all about fall jewelry, I knew I wanted to rock a sweater but in a way that wouldn’t leave me sweating to death. To keep things from getting too hot, I paired the chunky, oversized sweater with a mini skirt. The end result is a very casual look that’s easy to dress up with jewelry and accessories. Later in the season, I could totally see wearing this with knee high or over the knee boots.
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I don’t have it on here (insert eyeroll emoji), but I paired the look with a long pendant necklace to elongate my torso. I’m crushing BIG on these resin earrings; they have some sparkle, are super lightweight, and best of all are super affordable. I’m so into the resin jewelry trend this year; I snagged these earrings after we finished recording our Live video and also ended up picking up two other pairs of resin statement earrings. They’re all lightweight and great options if you want to snag some new statement jewelry without breaking the bank. (Work the Metal does take phone orders; just give ’em a follow on Instagram to keep up with new arrivals!)
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I actually had a similar issue happen with a stranger at the grocery store recently and I spoke up. I don’t always do that, but I can be somewhat confrontational, and she was over the top rude for no reason. I struggle with wanting to get involved sometimes (because you never know what can happen!), but you have to use your voice.
I think it’s hard to speak up if you don’t know the person well!
I definitely want to show and model kindness and empathy to my boys – I hope that when someone is asked of a word to describe them, ‘kind’ is one that comes to mind. Kindness costs nothing but makes such a difference. At least you know know that she isn’t someone you want to spend any time with!
Hope that you had a great weekend and your week is off to a good start 🙂
Away From The Blue Blog
I have tended to speak out a little, hoping to calm the situation. Usually it has affected those relationships, but frankly the people I really care about respect and are kind to people. Mainly however, I just tend to avoid people like that, because despite being compelled to stand up for the guy being wronged I also hate confrontations xx
It can be a hard place to be in because you don’t want to rock and if it’s someone you don’t know well you just don’t know what’s going on personally with them either. I usually would make a comment and try to turn it into a joke before being serious with someone. There are lines that I just don’t think people should cross (respect for another human being one of them) and that’s where I usually say something.
http://www.mylittlenest.org
It can be a hard place to be in because you don’t want to rock and if it’s someone you don’t know well you just don’t know what’s going on personally with them either. I usually would make a comment and try to turn it into a joke before being serious with someone. There are lines that I just don’t think people should cross (respect for another human being one of them) and that’s where I usually say something..
http://www.mylittlenest.org